So I find myself with choices to make, as I look about, I see that my purpose for buying this home where I did is not at all coming to the benefit I had hoped for.
The wedges in the relationship with my youngest daughter are yet again driven deeper, she cannot seem to be where she is supposed to be with any regularity, well, when it comes to Dad's rules anyway.
Since the start of the school year it seems that there is more emphasis on her going where and when she desires than anything. I'm just supposed to get out of the way, give in, loosen up.
I played along faithfully with the swim team thing, until dropping grades came and our agreement was not heeded and tossed aside completely.
That just further demonstrated to me, and the kids, that man, you have no input, period. It's a recurring thing, pointing out that I have truly, no input.
There comes that point when you have to live up to standards, perform to expectations or suffer consequences. Not my kids, not a one. And its not me who gives the passes.
I have a saying, you get back what you put in, and that is forever.
There are always excuses, cut between, let it slides, and outright unpunished misbehavior. And it all seems to be okay. Dad is expected to just let by bygones be bygones. Wrong Answer.
I'm told that I don't give enough praise, don't show any pride in what she does.
Maybe I don't, I'll admit that, but I can't recall the last time anyone thanked me or took pride in my busting my ass to support two households either, some things are just, you know, expected...
I'm expected to work and pay bills and provide a nice 3 bedroom brick furnished heated home with food and clothing, and dish out several hundred dollars in support to the mother to help pay for hers..
The kids are expected to do well in school, pull weight doing some chores, and follow simple, uncomplicated rules to better them, to hopefully become trustworthy productive self supporting human beings...
Several days ago I had hit my tipping point, I was tired of being told what was going to happen instead of being asked by a teenager.
Swim season is over, that excuse no longer works, staying after school for special projects and assignments was totally debunked last year when I went to fact check what I was being sold and it bombed, this year the excuses are more creative but I meet them with a twinge of distrust. I feel it is well earned.
Now, it appears that after my expressing how I feel through rebuttal on my child's blog, that another avenue of instilling responsibility had been sidetracked, instead of walking to Dad's right after school dismissal without detours, procrastination and blatant violations of the set rules, wonderful daughter, and whoever else made the other party or parties in the "We decided that you should just pick me up at Mom's in the evening" reply to my inquiry, have trampled yet again on my purpose of making my home here. Someone told me that the ex insisted she was going to make my existence here hellish, and so far, they are right.
There is no communication with the ex, and since I can't trust anything she says to me to be factual anyway, no great loss, little of anything she has ever agreed to has ever come to pass anyway, so no great loss, I tend to avoid her completely.
Kids pick up on this kind of thing though, and will utilize it to their advantage.
In fairness I did propose that option in the forum, that if she could not follow my protocol, and elected to violate her instruction, that she should just go to her mother's as opposed to me stressing over that missed check in call, that perhaps I should pick her up on my way home.
I heard often from my daughter of the comfort, the escape that she was afforded in coming here right after school for various reasons, that had it not been for her pets at her mother's that she would seriously consider a more permanent change. Yeah, those pets have been used before as a decision making weapon for her..
Perhaps that was all feel good talk, giving the old man something he appreciated in hearing, this business about wanting to spend more time here.
It's too bad that I cannot be grounded in the situation enough to even make plans, you know, meals out, activities, birthday parties, not for anything, but for all the last minute changes and demands on this rigid old parenting schedule, and my unwillingness to budge off my principles.
I know it really sucks, for everyone.
I'm damned if I do or don't. But that's okay, I'm used to it.
To you dear daughter, all I can say is that you'll get used to whatever is coming your way too I'm sure.
I believe she may just be expected to keep track of her out of control brother while taking advantage of this after school freedom from my lousy house rules, and expected to do a bit of youngster sitting to boot.
All I know is that for myself, I'm beginning to move more and more toward that point where I just pay, and don't worry about anything, I have no say in anything as it is, so why bother?
After a while it all becomes so......pointless, because when the other parent is constantly displaying total disregard of the other's wishes and boundaries, discounting their efforts that they may come out financially or emotionally superior to the other, and is always negating the other's authority, the children cannot take that downtrodden parent in a serious fashion, ever.
